From: https://www.educationworld.com/teachers/first-home-contact-shouldnt-be-about-behavior
The First Home Contact Shouldn't Be About Behavior
Too often, the first time families hear from a teacher is when something has gone wrong. Maybe a student was disruptive, missed homework, or acted out. But here’s the thing: when that first message home is about behavior, we risk turning an opportunity for connection into a warning sign. That first contact should never be the moment a parent or caregiver braces themselves for bad news.
Instead, the initial call, email, or meeting should be a bridge. One that connects home and school with positivity, hope, and partnership. Before ever diving into disciplinary issues or classroom challenges, teachers should prioritize establishing a human connection, one that tells families, “Hey, I see your child. I appreciate them. I’m here to support them.”
Shifting the Narrative to Student Support
When a family receives a call from the school, many parents instinctively tense up. It’s not their fault; it’s conditioned. Schools have historically been institutions where communication often feels formal, distant, or problem-centered. So, when a teacher flips that narrative and reaches out to say something kind or encouraging, it disarms the anxiety and helps build trust.
Without trust, families may question your motives, resist collaboration, or disengage entirely. But with it? They become your biggest allies, showing up for meetings, supporting learning at home, and offering grace when things get tough.
Students are More Than Their Behavior
We’ve all had students who push boundaries or struggle with self-regulation. But those behaviors don’t define them. When the first message home focuses only on what a student did wrong, it reduces them to their most challenging moment. It tells families that school sees their child as a problem to be fixed, not a person to be understood.
That’s a damaging message not just for parents, but for the student, too. Imagine how a child feels when they go home knowing their teacher’s first contact with their family was to report a mistake. That can chip away at self-worth and change the way they view school entirely.
On the flip side, when a student hears that their teacher called home just to share something good a great answer in class, a kind gesture toward a peer, a moment of persistence they feel seen. Valued. Like they matter. And that changes everything.
Students are to be Seen and Heard
It’s no secret that students of color and students with disabilities are often disproportionately disciplined in schools. If the first home contact for these students is always about behavior, it reinforces systemic biases and fuels a cycle of mistrust and marginalization.
Being intentional about your first contact is an act of equity. It’s a way of saying: I’m not going to let the system write your story for you. I’m going to see your child’s strengths, and I’m going to make sure their family sees that I see them. That simple choice can be a powerful shift that promotes dignity and belonging from day one.
Students Need Guidance Over Discipline
When the first interaction with home is positive, it lays the groundwork for a more open and productive relationship throughout the year. Later, if a behavioral issue does arise, and let’s be real, it probably will, your message will land differently. Parents won’t feel attacked. They’ll feel informed. They’ll remember that you’re not just calling because something’s wrong. You’re calling because you care.
More than that, students start to believe that they’re part of a community where growth is possible, where mistakes aren’t the whole story, and where adults are rooting for them. That kind of culture doesn’t just happen by accident.
What Should the First Contact Be?
A quick email or short phone call will do the trick, and it doesn’t have to be long. The message is what matters. Highlight a positive trait, an early success, or something you’re looking forward to doing together. Tell the family something that brings a smile. Maybe it’s how their child helped a classmate, how they asked a thoughtful question, or how excited they seemed during a science experiment. Keep it warm, authentic, and free of any hidden agenda.
Don’t wait for behavior issues to reach out. Make that first connection count. Make it about who the student is, not what they did wrong. And who knows? That one positive call might just be the thing that changes how a family sees school and how a student sees themselves for the better.
Written by Rachel Jones
Education World Contributor
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