Wednesday, January 19, 2022

The Secrets to Motivation: Autonomy, Belonging, Competence, and Meaning

 

 

Once teachers see engagement as fluid rather than fixed, they can use four tools to consistently help students find their motivation.

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PROFESSIONAL LEARNING
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Credit: Prateek Katyal on Unsplash

We’ve all been there: That moment when, after we’ve offered directions with great enthusiasm, only a few students begin the task. We wonder, “Why are our students not motivated?”

We teamed up to answer this question while preparing new teachers at Fordham University in New York City. Rhonda, as an experienced P-12 special and general educator, taught courses in differentiated instruction, and Akane, a Fordham professor, taught educational psychology. In our courses, teachers expressed concerns and questions about student motivation. Common misconceptions that motivation is a personality trait and unchangeable made it difficult for teachers to see how all students could be inspired with simple adjustments to tasks and the learning environment. Too often, research and theories on motivation lives in books instead of being operationalized in classrooms. We aimed to take the mystery out of student motivation by helping teachers see how daily teaching practices could be the solution.

We turned to the concrete levers described in Turner’s (2014) motivation framework: autonomy, belonging, competence, and meaning (ABC + M). When students seemed unmotivated, teachers could use the ABC+M framework as a tool to identify the specific feelings students needed to feel more motivated. The teachers also found that thinking about ways to prompt greater student feelings of ABC+M supported their efforts to differentiate instruction. For example, teachers assigned students different types of resources matched to their needs to prompt greater student autonomy when tackling a common grade-level task.

Taking a Closer Look

Let’s try out the ABC+M framework by harnessing our own motivation. To begin, make a list of activities that generally motivate you--for example, playing games, reading, going to the gym, or lesson planning. Start a second list with times when motivation is a struggle, such as doing laundry, exercising at home, studying for a test, or grading. Look over the lists for similarities and differences. Ask yourself, “What do I notice about the activities and environments when I feel motivated versus unmotivated?” You may feel motivated to exercise in a class or with a team but exercising alone was on your unmotivated list. This difference in motivation for the same activity could occur because you feel greater belonging and meaning when you exercise with others.

The ABC+M framework can explain why you feel motivated for some activities (and not others) and how you can change the task or environment to find motivation for any task—which in turn can reveal a lot about how to adjust teaching to support student motivation. If doing laundry or dishes is on your unmotivated list, can you think of ways to increase the meaning by playing music you enjoy or calling a friend while you do this task? Changing the task or the environment to increase feelings of autonomy, belonging, competence, and meaning is the secret to motivation. Let’s take a closer look at each lever.

A Is for Autonomy

As students transition from P-12 settings to college or work, they often feel an incredible increase in feelings of autonomy. Suddenly, they can decide how to fill their daily schedules or choose how and when to complete tasks.

We feel autonomy when we perceive that we can regulate our own goals and actions. Ryan & Deci (2017) have shown that autonomy is an important determinant of intrinsic motivation; students are more likely to be intrinsically motivated when they feel empowered to make decisions in the pursuit of their goals and interests.

Teaching Tip #1: Offer Structured Choice

Teachers promote autonomy by providing students with meaningful choices in pursuit of their learning. In one extreme, teachers assign all aspects of a task, allowing for no flexibility or choice (e.g. complete problems 1-10). On the other extreme, teachers allow total student choice (e.g. choose any book or pick any topic to research). These approaches may lead students to one of two unproductive feelings: having no autonomy or being overwhelmed with options.

A more moderate approach is to offer a selection of curated choices (what we like to call teacher-structured student choice) so that there are no unproductive options. For example, teachers may select three or four books at a specific independent reading level that share a common topic or context and place the books in topic/level baskets. Then, teachers can assign students to choose a book from their level’s basket. Daily assignments should always include structured student choices (e.g., complete numbers 1-5 and choose either 6 or 7) that measure the same skills but provide different perspectives to meet various student interests. Structured choice enables students to feel they are taking part in directing their learning—and provides information for the teacher about students’ interests.

B Is for Belonging

When students feel cared for within the learning community, they are more likely to engage in learning. Belonging is typically defined in terms of fit, specifically students’ perception of how they fit in the environment (Walton & Brady, 2017). Research on school belonging suggests that when students feel a sense of membership in a school, it can counteract the negative effects prejudice and discrimination have on motivation and learning outcomes, and improve long-term subjective well-being (Kumar et al., 2018).

Teaching Tip #2: Use Student Responses to Shape Lessons

Belonging increases when teachers promote ideas from all students in every lesson. Rather than calling on raised hands to gather student responses, which can result in only a few voices, teachers should call on representatives to share a response created by a small group at least once during each lesson. To increase student interest in listening to all representatives, after each small-group representative’s response, call on hands to add missing ideas to the list, elaborate on responses, or identify things like vocabulary words used in the group representatives’ responses. Teachers should explicitly use the gathered responses to shape the next part of the lesson by 1) analyzing responses for patterns or qualities, 2) checking off responses as they are addressed in the lesson, or 3) forming new groups based on the responses.

At the start of a lesson, teachers can prompt feelings of belonging by helping students articulate and share their curiosity about the topic under study. For example, a teacher might prompt students by showing an image, data table, list of vocabulary words, or map. Without an explanation of the prompt, the teacher launches the discussion routine 2x2x2—two people, two minutes, two questions—where students gather with an assigned partner to generate interesting questions related to the prompt.

Teachers can regroup learners into groups of four to six to reduce the number of questions by asking the larger group to synthesize the questions from each pair. Instead of answering the whole set of questions, invite students to circle the one question that is the most challenging, check the question they most want to answer, and place a star by the question that the group can already explain. The teacher can record the responses as reporters from each group share the most interesting question and explanation. This enables the whole class to easily see, hear, and remember the ideas from their peers. And while students are building relationships with each other and the lesson’s topic, the teacher gains an effective formative assessment that can help adjust instruction to build on student curiosity.

C Is for Competence

In many ways, competence is the heart of motivation; students are much more likely to engage in a task when they feel like they can do the work (Bandura, 1997). Daily teaching practices can provide students with tools to navigate their learning and more effectively interact with the environment to achieve their goals.

Teaching Tip #3: Identify Quality Criteria and Resources

Teachers can promote students’ feelings of competence by asking them to annotate their own work for specific qualities. This helps both students and teachers recognize the work’s qualities from the student’s perspective. Quality criteria for tasks can be constructed with students or prepared by the teacher and then made visible on a white board. We use the terms Must Haves and Amazings in our classrooms to define the qualities we want students to include and recognize in their work. Must Haves are the required qualities (for example, explain why, highlight vocabulary words, or draw a sketch of the problem). Amazings provide additional challenges, especially for early finishers, to go beyond the requirements.

A reflection prompt may be as simple as “star your most interesting response” or as complex as “change the perspective to create a new problem.” All students should annotate their work for at least one Amazing criteria. Including quality criteria for assignments supports students in realizing what they know and need to work on next.

In addition, teachers can support feelings of competence by ensuring that students are aware of available resources and know how to use them. Table 1 shows an example of effective quality criteria and help resources.

Table 1. Design Tips for Quality Criteria and Help Resources

Must Haves

Amazings

Help Resources

● Underline the (insert vocabulary or skills aligned to standards/objectives)● Pose an increased challenge (e.g. change the units, perspective, or time period.)● Organize and list resources by type of help (e.g. organization, time management, academic vocabulary)
● Check (insert something memorable, a connection to a previous unit or life experience)● Ask a question to prompt generalization (e.g. what general principle could apply to this problem/question)● Note help resources that support reaching the Amazing criteria
● Star (Insert something that invites thinking reflections, predictions, and questions)● Ask a question to promote transfer (e.g. in what other tasks or situations might this skill be useful?)● Articulate when to use help resources and how to ask for help
● Circle the part that needs feedback● Ask a question to promote metacognition (e.g. what strategy did you use? Why did your approach change or stay the same?)● Ask students to identify help resources that can be used for every task. Students do not have to use the resource, but they must identify a possible help resource to earn full credit.
● Double check where at least one Amazing criteria is in your work



Learners can also use the Must Haves and Amazing Criteria for deeper reflection. Annotating for criteria supports students in making meaning and seeing meaning in their work, such as: a) “draw an arrow where your response connects to a previous unit and write about the connection”; b)“circle three words that have the greatest importance in our daily life outside of school”; or c) “box a response that shows a skill that you already have and expect to still be using in five years.” Criteria that invite students to make connections, identify interests, estimate value, and anticipate use all support students in meaningful learning.

M Is for Meaning

Students are more likely to engage in learning when they feel that it is important, interesting, and useful. Teachers support this by deliberately curating classroom activities that are in dialogue with students’ past, present, and future experiences and prioritize opportunities for students to form meaningful relationships with their learning and peers.

Teaching Tip #4: Note a Starting Position

Teachers launch meaningful paths when students begin tasks by exploring the experiences, connections, and questions that they bring to the task—in other words, a starting position. Periodically, students return to the starting position to consider where they are now and where they began—a visible trail of learning in their own responses and work. For example, build in a mechanism for students to document their starting position before beginning the task. Students might simply place a check next to three familiar things and circle something interesting. Or, students could answer an essential question in a one-minute quick write or draw.

At the start of a unit, teachers might ask students to rank the learning goals from most to least interesting. Then, they can return to the starting position at the end of a unit to reflect on how their thinking about the topic has stayed the same, changed, or been challenged. Students can look at these rankings and reflections over time to both measure their growth (i.e., recognize competence) and identify how and why learning is meaningful. In addition to meaning, returning to a starting position also promotes autonomy by monitoring progress and setting goals while fostering the habit of looking at evidence in one’s work to assess competence.

A,B,C + M and Differentiated Instruction

Our students come to learning with different starting places, progress at different rates, and will apply their learning in different contexts. Fortunately, helping students find their motivation also supports teacher efforts to differentiate instruction (Bondie & Zusho, 2018). For example, Tip #2 (Record Student Responses) provides teachers with information for purposeful grouping, adjusting the next learning experience, and assigning specific tasks aimed at developing an individual learner. Tip #3 (Identify Quality Criteria) provides a means for teachers to respond to specific individual needs when assigning one common task.

Finally, teaching the ABC+M model to students equips them to find their own motivation for assigned tasks. Table 2 summarizes our teaching tips to support teachers in responding to the diverse needs of students in supportive ways.

Table 2. ABC + M Teaching Tips with Differentiated Instruction

Teaching Tip

Differentiated Instruction

Autonomy: Offer Structured Student Choice DailyOffer choice along a continuum from total student choice, teacher structured student choice, to total teacher assignment. Assign choices to meet student needs and interests.
Belonging: Employ Peer Discussion Routines and Record Student Responses from All GroupsProvide formative assessment that engages all students. Enable adjustments to learning experiences without changing the materials or activities.
Competence: Provide Quality Criteria and Identify Help ResourcesEnsure that students are equipped to successfully interact with and navigate their learning environments.
Meaning: Note a Starting Position and Assign to Reflection versus CompletionMake visible the strengths students bring to a task and identify possible areas for growth.
ABC +M: Teach the secrets to motivationAsk students to create lists of when they feel motivated and unmotivated. Help students advocate for adjustments to the task or environment to be more motivationally supportive.

Next time you find yourself asking how you can motivate your students, use autonomy, belonging, competence, and meaning to adjust the environment or task to be more motivationally supportive. Daily use of these teaching tips provides opportunities for students to find their motivation while facilitating teacher efforts to differentiate instruction.

References

Bandura, A., & McClelland, D. C. (1977). Social learning theory (Vol. 1). Prentice Hall: Englewood cliffs.

Bondie, R., & Zusho, A. (2018). Differentiated instruction made practical: Engaging the extremes through classroom routines. Routledge.

Kumar, R., Zusho, A., & Bondie, R. (2018). Weaving cultural relevance and achievement motivation into inclusive classroom cultures. Educational Psychologist, 53(2), 78-96. https://doi.org/10.1080/00461520.2018.1432361

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2017). Self-determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. Guilford Press.

Turner, J. C. (2014). Theory-based interventions with middle-school teachers to support student motivation and engagement In S. Karabenick & T. Urdan (Eds.), Advances in motivation and achievement: Motivational interventions (pp. 341–378). Emerald. https://doi.org/10.1108/S0749-742320140000018009

Walton, G. M., & Brady, S. T. (2017). The many questions of belonging. In A. J. Elliot, C. S. Dweck, & D. S. Yeager (Eds.), Handbook of competence and motivation: Theory and application (pp. 272–293). The Guilford Press.

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Essential Practices for Building Literacy for Older English-Learners (Education Week)

 

 From: https://www.edweek.org/teaching-learning/essential-practices-for-building-literacy-in-older-english-learners/2022/01?fbclid=IwAR0w9o3FNJxmIK22Jb4haFkz7sFz8bQZHmbStHJPPQTP8w95bYoVglhwu0w

Essential Practices for Building Literacy in Older English-Learners

By Catherine Gewertz — January 04, 2022  9 min read
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Teaching literacy to older students who are still learning English is a topic that’s traditionally gotten less attention—in research, training, and professional development—than its counterpart for younger students.

But the stakes are high for the nation’s 1.9 million secondary English-learners: They’re building English-literacy skills just as the types of reading and writing they must do get tougher. And they have less time left in school than K-5 students; these years are crucial for building the English proficiency that will support their later work and education trajectories.

Experts caution that good literacy instruction must be built on what’s already known about best practice for adolescent literacy in general, and be grounded in teachers’ detailed understanding of their students, since the English-learner population is highly diverse: Some are immigrants, but most were born in the United States. Some have had years of formal education and others hardly any. They vary widely in English proficiency. But key guiding principles and practices have emerged from research, and from classrooms, for teaching adolescent English-learners.

Engagement is paramount

Teachers already know how crucial it is—and how challenging it can be—to get students engaged in their work. But engagement is even more important for adolescents, since they’re at a delicate crossroads: Exploring their identities and the social world around them, they’re more likely to feel their schoolwork is boring and irrelevant. And that’s happening just as the texts they must read are more complex.

“These are young adults. It can’t be just kids lined up in rows with teachers lecturing,” said Lydia Acosta Stephens, who oversees multilingual and multicultural instruction in the Los Angeles Unified school district. “There has to be conversation, dialogue, discussion.”

Combine the needs of adolescents with the challenge of learning English, and it becomes even more important to find ways to grab and hold students’ attention, experts say.

“Learning another language can be exhausting. Kids are doing double the work: content and language,” said Steven Weiss, a coach at Stanford University’s Center to Support Excellence in Teaching, which helps schools support their multilingual students. “If the cognitive load is that high, and you don’t make it enticing, they’ll check out.”

David Francis, a University of Houston professor who’s leading one of two federally funded teams that are researching instructional strategies for adolescent English-learners, said it’s crucial to choose topics that appeal to middle and high school students, such as relationships, health, climate change, and immigration.

Using an instructional approach that features a lot of small-group discussion also boosts the chances that students will be actively engaged while they build content knowledge and literacy skills, he said.

‘Charming’ and ‘enticing’ students

Aída Walqui, a senior research scientist at WestEd who’s leading the other federally funded research team, offers an example of a set of language arts lessons she and her colleagues developed to use with 8th grade Los Angeles students. They were built on the idea of “charming” students with a topic—and discussion techniques—that are highly relevant and engaging, she said. With strategically embedded supports, students will learn content while developing the full suite of literacy skills: reading, writing, speaking, and listening.

In a series of lessons that spans several weeks, students explore the history of murals, study the Mexican muralist movement, and focus deeply on a mural by famed painter Diego Rivera. They expand their focus to murals in their own neighborhoods and to street arts such as graffiti. Students discuss the pieces with partners or in small groups, considering questions such as how public art expresses people’s concerns.

Toward the end of the unit, teachers invite students to reflect on how their ideas about mural art changed during the unit study and why. Then they must write proposals for public-art projects and defend them in presentations to the class. Teachers support the process with explicit instruction on argumentation, including recurring phrases in English that help develop an argument.

That kind of approach blends key aims, Walqui said: It builds students’ conceptual understanding at the same time it develops their analytical processes and literacy skills. And it grounds the instruction in something adolescent English-learners can identify with, she said.

“Students have to recognize themselves in what they’re doing,” she said. “And then, based on those deep experiences, you invite them further into the unknown.”

Assure access to grade-level content and texts

Teachers can support the literacy development of all adolescent students—including English-learners—by infusing it into content-area instruction, experts say.

“There is no language without content,” Francis said. “They’re inseparable.”

Building background knowledge, too, is known to be pivotal to strong reading skills.

To build both the background knowledge and literacy skills they need, English-learners must have consistent access to grade-level content and texts, experts say. Teachers can use a range of strategies to do that, such as breaking down a text into essential ideas, Francis said.

Visual supports are particularly important to help English-learners understand what they’re reading, so experts suggest that teachers make use of illustrations, graphic organizers, and multimedia. Language supports, such as glossaries, can aid understanding as well.

Paul Hernandez, a social studies teacher in Sanger Unified, a district in California’s Central Valley that has drawn notice for its work with English-learners, uses a graphic organizer called the Frayer model to help his 11th graders—a blend of native-English speakers and English-learners—explore the meanings of words they encounter.

He blends speaking, writing, and reading strategies to help students build their language muscles. In a recent unit on U.S. migration patterns of the 1920s, students read paragraphs aloud, highlighting important ideas and putting question marks next to unknown words or concepts. Those exercises help students participate in class and group discussion. And Hernandez finds that they help his native-English speakers, too, “especially in this year of lost learning, when everyone needs more support.”

Building access points to complex material

Diane August, a longtime researcher and adviser on English-learners, suggests a range of scaffolding strategies to help students access text and build literacy skills. Teachers could put students in pairs or groups, blending native speakers with those still learning English if possible, and they could read small chunks of text together. Each group could be assigned to gather information needed for a whole-class discussion. This kind of approach can help both English-learners and native speakers build literacy skills, August said.

August also suggests teaching a set of academic vocabulary words intensively over several days. In a science lesson being developed for the University of Houston-led grant, 7th graders explore how animals adapt to their surroundings. The lesson focuses on a chunk of informational text and provides the definition of “adapt” in English and Spanish, with picture cards to reinforce the ideas, including one of a lizard changing color to match a tree. It invites students to talk with a partner about how they’d adapt to cold weather and uses multiple modalities, including a video about a flamingo’s habitat, stopping at key points to dive deeper. Words like “optimal” and “predators” are explained in glossaries in the margins.

Teachers working on that lesson will use three levels of scaffolding: For students least proficient in English, they’ll supply “response frames,” or paragraphs in which students fill in specific words. For those with intermediate proficiency, teachers will offer only “sentence starters,” such as, “There are few predators because …” For those most proficient, and native-English speakers, teachers will pose questions without either of those supports.

Ground practice on detailed, individual knowledge of students

Experts advise teachers to make use of the rich data set available on their English-learners. Annual proficiency-test results, periodic screenings, and formative-assessment strategies all can yield important clues to what kinds of support students need. Many teachers don’t look at these data or even know which of their students are English-learners, August said.

Acosta Stephens of Los Angeles Unified urged teachers to immerse themselves in the language-proficiency data about their students and to spend time talking with them and jotting notes about their language skills. Viewing students’ native languages as an asset, too, is crucial.

“All these things can be used to determine not just where a student is weak but where they are strong,” Stephens said.

It’s a point echoed by many experts: Teachers must view students’ home languages as strengths rather than obstacles, and they must work to support those native languages even as they’re building skills in English. It’s important to understand students’ levels of literacy in their original languages, since those foundations are building blocks for learning a new language.

As a 2017 national report on English-learners points out, students already carry the “underlying neural architecture” of language, and many skills transfer as they learn English. Speakers of Romance languages, for instance, can draw on the many cognates—words with similar derivations and sounds—shared by their native and new languages.

Systemwide policies and concepts are needed for effective literacy instruction

To be successful, the teaching of literacy skills in English-learners needs a suite of its own supports: high-quality training and professional development to equip teachers with the right skills; a coherent, districtwide vision of the beliefs that undergird instruction; and what that instruction should look like, experts say.

“Too often, teachers are told to focus on the pieces,” said Weiss of Stanford. “It’s ‘focus on grammar!’ or ‘focus on vocabulary, oral language!’ It ends up being a Christmas tree approach to learning, with shiny baubles but no coherence. Teachers need real clarity at the district level: What should instruction look like for our ELLs? What do we mean by scaffolding? What do we mean by academic discourse? What does that look like in a classroom, and what implications does it have for curriculum?”

Responding to the COVID-19 pandemic gives districts a unique chance to rebuild their approach to English-learners, Weiss said.

“Let’s not go back to normal,” he said. “Let’s rethink it, build a systematic approach to provide the supports ELLs need, and build on the assets they bring.”

 

Sunday, January 9, 2022

These Three Little Words Can Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

 

From: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/nagging-child-stop-for-good/?fbclid=IwAR3CbbnmNYYg968myShkF-dt0weRmL4tpUe5vlNE2wGCyYLBClLZ3GsCMsg

These Three Little Words Can Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

These Three Little Words Can Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

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Children can become extremely persistent when they want something. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how many times you say no, and they’ll keep returning to ask again. When your child doesn’t stop nagging for what they want, it can become frustrating and overwhelming for the parent.

Even if you become annoyed, you can’t give in when your child keeps whining about something. While you might want to do whatever it takes to stop their nagging, it won’t solve the problem. Instead, it only shows them that whining works to get what they want.

Studies show that when a child nags and whines, it’s one of the most distracting sounds. Since giving in to your child won’t solve the problem, it’s essential to find another way to handle it. Many people believe that a child will outgrow it, but that’s only possible if you teach them to overcome it.

When your child keeps whining to get their way, you’ll want to find a way to stop the issue for both of your sakes. Luckily, there is an easy way to stop whining as it happens and prevent it later on. The best way to end your child’s whining only takes three little words, making it ideal for parents.

What Causes Children to Start Nagging?


Children don’t nag to be annoying, as experts say there is sometimes a good reason for their behavior. Whining is a learned behavior that children can pick up at any age, and understanding is helpful to child-raising

Children continue the behavior because parents tend to give in when they want their child to stop. Every time a parent experiences a moment of weakness and gives in to their child, it teaches them to keep whining.

Additionally, a child’s whining is often a cry for attention. Psychologists say that sometimes when a child nags, they want their parents to spend time with them. Consider whether you’ve been busier lately and if so, consider spending some one-on-one time with your child so you can reconnect.

Three Words to Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

To help your child overcome their whining, you must help them unlearn the behavior. The three words that will stop the whining come from the co-author of the book series Positive Discipline, Lynn Lott. These words work on children of any age, including as young as two and as old as teenagers.

The three words you should say to your child to stop their whining are “asked and answered.” Your child won’t know what you mean the first time you say it, but you can walk them through the steps. Once they are familiar with the phrase and its meaning, it’ll help stop the whining for good.

The “asked and answered” phrase should works well when a child starts nagging. They’ll ask once for something, and when you say no, come back minutes later to ask again. After a while, they may resort to throwing a tantrum.

How to Introduce These Three Words

Rather than repeating yourself or losing your temper in these situations, introduce the concept of “asked and answered.” Start by asking your child if they’ve ever heard of “asked and answered.” The child will likely tell you that they haven’t, leading into the explanation.

Then, ask your child if they asked about the specific thing they wanted. The child will answer affirmatively, and then you should ask, “Did I answer your question?”. When the child replies, they’ll likely say that you did answer but then go on to plead their case.

After that, ask your child if you seem like the kind of person who will change their mind when asked repeatedly for the same thing. By asking these questions, it helps your child grasp that you answered the question and won’t change your mind.

Then, if they ask again, you can say, “asked and answered.” When your child becomes familiar with this concept, you won’t even have to explain it again. Instead, when they ask for something a second time, you can say the three words, and your child will likely stop asking.

Be Consistent

After introducing the “asked and answered” phrase to your nagging child, you must stick with it. Your child might keep questioning or begging even after you say the three words, so you’ll want to walk away. Your child will see that you won’t respond anymore, solidifying the concept in their mind.

Unlearning their whining habit can be difficult for a child, but consistency makes it possible. Continuing to answer their question after you said “asked and answered” will only reinforce their negative behavior. It will take some patience, but before you know it, your child won’t nag anymore.

You’ll want to get the child’s other parent and anyone involved in the child-raising on board with this concept, too. If every adult caregiver in the child’s life responds with “asked and answered,” it’ll help the child learn it quicker. When every adult is on the same page, it prevents anyone from undermining your efforts and undoing progress.


Seven Additional Ways to Stop a Child’s Nagging

When children nag, stopping the behavior is essential. The three words discussed above are a great tactic, but you can implement other methods too.

nagging

1. Adjust How You View Nagging

Sometimes children nag to get what they want, but they also whine to express their emotions. If they are frustrated or feel unheard of, whining is sometimes the only other option they can come up with.

Consider what might trigger the child’s behavior and assess whether something might be causing it. If it happens at the same time each day, it might be worth switching up your routine.

2. Call Them Out

When whining is a habit for your child, they might not even realize they are doing it. Calling them out will help them recognize the behavior and address it. Don’t be mean when you call them out, but do it gently or humorously so that they know you aren’t mad.

Even when a child’s whining is getting on your nerves, you don’t want to belittle them for their feelings. You don’t want to mock the child but bring awareness to their behavior. Additionally, it helps them understand that their whining is unpleasant.

3. Establish Rules About Nagging

When you set household rules about whining, it is clear that nagging is unacceptable. If you know that your child isn’t using whining to express themselves, rules might be necessary. When a child whines to get their way, it’s a negative behavior that must be unlearned.

You will want to create rules specific to your household and your child. Everyone’s rules about whining will be different, and it is okay as we all parent differently. One option is to create a rule that children must ask nicely for something and accept the answer graciously.



You’ll also want to determine a consequence for the action. For instance, you could tell your child that if they choose to break the rule, you’ll walk away and not listen until they stop. Or, you could put them in a quiet place where they feel safe to work through their emotions.

4. Give a Warning

When whining becomes a habit for children, it can be hard to break it. If you’ve set a household rule about whining, consider giving a warning before going through with the punishment. A warning won’t undo your work, but it gives your child a chance to get it together.

Remind the child that there is no nagging and that there will be consequences if they don’t stop. However, don’t give more than one warning, as it rewards their behavior. This positive discipline can make all the difference in overcoming whining.

5. Stay Calm, Even if the Nagging Drives You up the Wall

Even when you are beyond annoyed, you must remain calm. If you allow your child to see you lose your cool, it’ll reinforce their whining. When your child sees that you are affected by their behavior, they will feel that they are getting an appropriate reaction out of you.

When you feel like you might lose your temper or patience, take a moment to regroup. Take some deep breaths and close your eyes for a few seconds. You can address the situation once you feel a little calmer.


6. Ignore the Nagging

If you pay attention to your child when they act out, it reinforces the negative behavior. Even if you give negative attention, it’s better than nothing in the eyes of a child. Instead, encourage behavior modification by ignoring attention-seeking behavior.

When you ask your child to do something, and they whine, stop talking to them after giving a warning. Pretend that you don’t hear their whining at all, and go back to what you were doing before. It’ll be hard to tune out the whining, but your child will stop when they realize you won’t put up with it.

7. Reinforce Positive Behavior

When your child stops whining, make it a point to give them some positive attention. Praise them by pointing out how quietly they are doing something. When you praise their good behavior, it encourages them to seek positive attention.

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nagging

Final Thoughts on These Three Little Words Can Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

A nagging child is one of the worst things a parent can hear, but you can put an end to it. Using the three words “asked and answered” can remind your child that you won’t change your mind. Before you know it, they won’t whine as much, and you’ll find some peace.

However, these three words aren’t the only thing you can do to stop and prevent whining. Use the words along with some of the other tips to ensure your child unlearns their negative behavior.